Chapter Text
-George-
"What do you want to name her?"
I am sitting in a wooden rocking chair in the center of a quiet hospital room. I look down at the little pink swaddled bundle of joy that is laying in my arms. She coos and looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes, a tiny grin growing across her little face. My heart melts instantly. She looks just like her Mom and her oldest sister.
The name "Ava" almost came out but I stay silent for a split moment to think, then it came to me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's perfect. I smile as I look at the nurse.
"Rainey..." I start.
"Rainey Asia Ragan."
-
"It sounds like to me that you need to let go. Your kids aren't going to stay little forever."
Tears stream down my face as I take a deep raspy breath, holding back my sobs. I shake my head, looking at Aron, who hands me a tissue.
"I'm sorry, I feel like I can't do it. I already lost one and I can't lose another. It nearly killed me the first time."
I dab my face with the tissue as Aron turns around to turn off the buzzing timer.
"Our session is over, George. I'll see you back here again on Wednesday. You know your right choice of action from here and we will discuss it more next time. Keep taking your meds because we don't need to go for another field trip to grippy sock jail."
He opens the door and allows me to pass through. I give him a nod and glumly walk past him.
"Take care."
-
I sigh as I climb in the driver's seat of my truck. The sunlight reflects off of the gold diamond ring that is strung through a gold chain next to two silver bullet shaped capsules that holds Asia's and Harley's ashes. The sudden sparkle off the diamond catches my eye.
I sigh again, cupping my hand around the delicate capsules and bring them to my lips, pressing a small kiss on the surface.
"I miss you both so much. I don't know what I'm going to do... I am spending what's supposed to be my peak of my prime slowly going insane..."
I let out a sad chuckle as I fight back tears. I don't want to cry again, it makes me look like a loser. I don't think Aron gets paid enough to watch a grown man ugly cry for an hour. I can't help but feel bad for him.
I manage to pull myself together and get the truck started so I can go pick up Jordie from the specialist. I'm only hoping that he has good news and a possible date of when he can get that damn trach removed so he can talk and sing again.
I still think it's kind of cool he's using his sign language knowledge to communicate with everyone else besides Alexis.
I stop the truck in front of the clinic where Jordon is waiting patiently. I see that he still had the trach in, so maybe he got a removal date? One can only hope.
"Hey there, sexy pants." I greet happily.
He gives me a small blush of a smile as he climbs in the passenger seat. He waves hello.
"Any date yet?"
He signs: They say two more weeks. I am almost healed up. I need to make an appointment with Dr. Shaddix to have it removed. They told me I should quit smoking to avoid complications.
I shrug and playfully pinch his nose.
"Well you shouldn't be smoking with a trach anyway, Mister."
He swats my hand and shakes his head. I giggle and give him a kiss on the lips. He gives in to the kiss and cups my face with his hand.
"I love you." He mouths.
"I love you more, baby." I coo.
A car behinds us honks their horn making us jump. I groan as I fasten my seatbelt and shift the truck into gear.
"Alright, fine, I'm going! Sheesh... co*ckblocks."
We open the front door and we were immediately greeted by the sounds of Ava angrily shrieking and Zack comes dancing down the steps, holding her pink fuzzy journal in his hand.
"Zackary! Give it back!" Ava yells.
Zack continues to run circles around the kitchen island, Ava close behind him clawing and trying to snatch the book away. He opens it and holds it just above her reach.
"Dear Diary! Today I saw Tyler standing by his locker! He looks so hot with his black hair flowing in the sudden dramatic breeze and the light sparkles around his beautiful dark colored skin! He smells so much like a can of Axe mixed with B.O from gym class, it makes me soooooo wet!"
"ZACK!"
She jumps up and down to snatch the book once more to only have it pulled from her reach.
"GIVE IT BACK, POTHEAD!"
Zack laughs.
"Not until you tell me who Tyler is."
She stomps her foot and spins around to see us watching how this is going to go down. My money is on Ava, she has been and always will be my spitfire. She knows how to fend for herself. She after from me and I taught her well.
"Dads! Zack won't give me back my diary!"
"Dads! Ava is writing smut!"
Alexis walks in from the backyard. She waves and signs that Ava and Zack were at it again. A little late to the party Lex.
Logan comes rushing in and slaps Zack's legs. The youngest of the bunch, our 3 and a half year old, Rainey, makes the most random entrance I have ever seen. She pops in out of thin air completely decked out with a HU shirt that is far too big for her, and she is wearing mis match toy heels and wearing one of Jordie's bandanas crookedly on her head.
"Fight for book!" She squeals, following a string of gibberish.
She joins in Logan's defense mechanism and slapping the hell out of Zack's jeans.
"Give sissy back her book, you meanie!" Logan yelps.
Zack easily pushes them back with his legs as he continues to torment Ava. I turn my head to look at Jordon, who is tapping my arm.
"We need to stop them before Ava murders him." He signs.
"As much as I am ready to get the popcorn, you're right, this has to stop."
I walk inside the kitchen. Zack flips the page and sticks his tongue out at Ava.
"Oooh girl, this one is from today! Let's see what this chapter of Fifty Shades of Ava is about!" He giggles.
Ava stops for a second and gasps. She shakes her head.
"Zack! Don't read that!"
"Dear Diary! I have been feeling very sad today!" He starts.
"Aw! Did princess Ava sad because she did not get the hotel room for her and prince Charming?"
"Zack...! Please!" She begs.
I thought I heard her voice crack but I wasn't sure. He keeps lifting the book up each time she jumped for it as he continues to read aloud:
"I have felt sad before but this time I feel sadder than ever! I saw a picture of Mom on my phone! It... brought back memories for me... to a time when I was actually happy... and my life felt complete..."
Just like that the room grows silent and everybody freezes in place. It's like someone just paused time. Ava is glaring at Zack with angry and sad tears in her eyes. Alexis stands nearby with a sunken look on her face. Logan and Rainey stop slapping and just glance up at Zack.
"Damn." He whispers.
"Give her back her diary and apologize." I sternly command.
He frowns and lowers the book down to her. She snatches it and presses it against her chest.
"Sorry Aves."
She looks away from him as she slowly breaks down. She runs up the stairs. We hear her hurt sounding sob echo through the upstairs hallway before being silenced with a door slam.
Jordon growls and snaps his fingers to get Zack's attention.
"Go to your room." He signs angrily.
Zack groans, pushing past his little siblings and storms up the stairs to his room. Alexis casually goes to the couch to watch TV. Logan looks up at me as he hugs my leg.
"Are we in trouble?"
I ruffle his blond hair with my hand.
"No buddy. You guys are good. Just do your dads a favor and don't grow up too fast because we can barely stay sane 16 and 13. Take your sister and go watch TV with Lexie."
Our 6 year old nods as he gently grabs his baby sister's hand and walks with her to the living room. I love how they get along so well. It reminded me so much of when Ava was younger and how she bonded so well with Alexis. She was already calling her sissy before she knew she was her sister.
"You go talk to Ava and Zack while I cook dinner." He signs.
I chuckle.
"Yeah make me the cop of this situation." I joke.
"Alright, fine, but only if you make your bomb ass burgers."
He nods with a wheezing chuckle and kiss my head. I pinch his ass cheek as I walk towards the stair case. I approach my daughter's room and hover my hand to knock when I hear her talking. Not being nosey at all, I press my ear against the surface of the door.
"I wish I can bring you back for one day, Mom, just one day. I miss you so much. I want to hear your voice again..."
I sigh sadly and knock on her door. She growls and sniffs again.
"Go away Zack!" She shrieks.
I open the door only to quickly hide behind it to avoid getting a size 6 Puma to the head.
"Cease fire. It's just me." I call out.
I open the door again and step in.
"Sorry Dad. I thought it was Zack."
I shrug as I slowly sit down beside her on her bed. I hold my arms out for a hug. She took no time to lean into my arms. I hug her tight and kiss the top of her head.
"I know..." I whisper.
"It's not fair, Dad. Why did she have to go?"
"It was a an unexpected thing, Aves, and unfortunately it just happens. Sometimes birth doesn't go well."
Ava shakes her head and buries her face into my chest.
A lot of people say otherwise but I strongly blame myself for Asia's death. If I hadn't drank so much that night, none of this would be happening.
At the time, Jordon is still recovering from his near fatal injuries after getting away from Randi. He was in a comatose state for almost a month until he had woken up on his own just in time for the doctors to give up hope and go through with the last plan of comfort care.
2 years of consistent and stressful rehab, now he's almost completely recovered.
It was almost three. I was so worried about Jordon and the kids, I neglected to care for myself. I was going months with a unpredictable sleep schedule, when I did sleep scary ass nightmares were knocking at the door, I was going through terrible mood swings, and as a last resort I started taking shrooms, smoke more pot than usual, and drinking an unhealthy amount of booze nearly every night.
One of those nights was the night that I ate a shrooms gummy, smoked half a joint, and all on top of that I had 6 shots of vodka and two tall beers. I was completelysmashedand f*cked up.
Obviously, the whole memory of it all is dark, but taking out of Asia's words, she came in to check on me and I went after her. She tried to get me to stop but somehow I was a lot stronger than her. When she told me what happened after I got a text message from her saying she's pregnant, I felt like the biggest piece of sh*t in the world.
Not only did I force and violate my ex-wife, I cheated on Jordon, and I don't remember any of it. Asia was carrying my baby! Not only did I have a sick and possibly dying husband to worry about, I had four children to take care of, and now I had a baby on the way. I didn't know what I was going to do but I stuck by her side.
We went with a plan that Asia and I will co parent like we were doing with Ava. During a check up, we got the news that we were expecting twins. A boy and a girl.
I never told Jordon what happened until three months after the birth. That didn't blow over well but after a few weeks spent away from each other to cool down eventually we have forgave each other.
October 1st, 9:00 am. Asia was undergoing a C-Section to deliver the twins. She wasn't feeling any much movement for a while and had a gut feeling something was wrong. She was at 32 weeks The first little one to arrive was Rainey. She was very premature but very healthy. She was a screaming 3 lb 16 inch ball of fury. The twin, Harley, a beautiful tiny baby boy, didn't make it.
Asia's vitals plummeted not a minute after Harley came out. She coded and the resuscitation had failed. Asia and Harley were both gone.
"Dad?" Ava calls out, snapping me out of my own head.
"Sorry sweetie. Did you say something?"
She rolls her watering eyes.
"Yes. I was asking you if you were okay."
I nod not letting up on the embrace.
"Yeah I'm okay, honey. I just got lost in thought. I know you miss your mom and I know you love her. She's in heaven with Harley looking down at you. You are her pride and joy and she's so proud of you."
She nods, wiping her new brewing tears from her eyes.
"Dad? Do you ever wish that Mom didn't give birth again?"
I feel my heart sink. That's a tough question to answer because I have a split answer. My strong response is no, because I wouldn't have our Rainey rainbow. Though I sometimes tend to lean towards yes, because my actions is what killed Asia. I do sometimes wish I didn't do what I did.
I clear my throat.
"No, I don't, I am happy that she gave birth to your sister. Again, Aves, things like that unfortunately happens. Your Mom's body just gave up on her and there's nothing anyone could do. I-"
"It's still not fair, Dad! My Mom is dead!" Ava snaps.
"Honey..."I start, blinking back the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Honey. I know... I am so sorry that I got so f*cked up that night, I had no conscious control of myself. Your Mom knew I wasn't in my right mind and she forgave me for what happened. Your Dad has forgiven me too. Though I still stuck by her side through the whole process up to her very last breath. I never gave up on her or the babies. I took responsibility for my actions. I don't regret that or watching your sister's and what would be your brother's birth. I was there every step oof the way for you, I did the same for Rainey. I love you both so much. You know I'd do anything to bring your Mom and brother back."
She shakes her head, anger starting to shine through on her face.
"I know you miss your Mom. You're absolutely right, it isn't fair. You still needed your Mom at age 11, and no one deserves to lose a Mom that young. Jordie and I are doing the best we can to raise you guys as both roles but you need to be patient with us. We love you guys more than we can say. I know being 13 is tough but please try to cut us some slack, Aves. Right now, we need you to be our strong beautiful girl and be nice to your siblings."
She rolls her eyes.
"I know we need to have a chat with Zack too. He's starting to get out of hand."
She nods, crossing her arms.
"You're telling me. The dude is a walking hormone. He always smells like hot trash and won't chill out."
I chuckle.
"It doesn't excuse anything but he's a boy, honey. We are working on it. You let your Dad and I take the reigns with him, you work on what you need to do, and we'll call it even. Deal?"
She nods again, shaking my hand and giving me that adorable crooked smile that I always love. I give her one more kiss on the head.
"That's my girl. For now, keep your diary hidden and I'll go have a talk with Zack."
I stand to leave when she waves for my attention.
"Make sure you knock and don't touch anything clothes on his floor. I learned that the hard way. At this point, I think our washer might be pregnant."
I chuckle again.
"Thanks for the warning, dear. I'll take precautions."
I leave Ava's room and give a solid knock on Zack's door. I anticipated hearing something that sounds like clapping but thankfully I didn't.
"It's open." Zack groans.
I open the door and sternly wave to Zack. He's sitting crisscross on his bed with a forensics text book open. For once this kid is actually doing his homework without a struggle. I'm admitting I'm amazed.
"Hey." He says coldly.
"Hey." I answer back.
"May I sit down for a chat?"
He moves his books so I can sit beside him. I sit down on his bed with a low groan. Curse this walking hormone and the need to have his mattress on the floor for some reason. I adjust to look at him.
"You know that what you did to Ava was a dick move, right?"
He nods.
"I was just picking."
"Zack. Taking your sister's diary and reading it aloud is not picking. It's rude. You wouldn't want her to take your Penthouse magazines and flaunting them around for the whole household to behold, would you?
He squints his eyes.
"How'd you-?"
I pull out and show him a copy of Penthouse magazine from under his bed, making him blush and yank it out of my hand.
"Your Dad and I were teenage boy once too, bud. We know just about every p*rn mag hiding spot in this side of California."
I glance through a couple pages. I freeze at a picture of hot petite nude brunette touching herself.
"Damn." I whisper.
"Right?"
I shake my head giving the magazine back to Zack, clearing my throat.
"I'm a married man who is completely missing the point here. My point being bud, you need to remember that your sister lost her Mom. You know how that feels."
He scoffs.
"Please. My Mom was a drug addict who cared more about popping Oxys down than taking care of her own f*cking kid. She hung herself in her jail cell so she wouldn't have to face the consequences."
I nod.
"I know that. It wasn't fair that she did that but Ava loved her mom more than anything, her Mom was her best friend. She misses her a lot. Please try to be a little more considerate for her and please, for the sake of your Dads' sanity, please stop bullying your little siblings. We need your help in being a good role model for them. I don't care if you play around but when they say stop, the mean stop. When you keep going, that's what gets the water boiling. After dinner, I want you to sincerely apologize to Ava. Okay?"
He nods.
"Okay."
"Good man." I chuckle, playfully punching his arm and slowly standing up.
"Ah. My back... I'm too old for this."
"And yet you dance and sing on stage as if you're 10 years younger. I think it's time that HU retires or pretty soon you'll be on stage with Dad and our uncles sporting compression socks and smelling like Bengay." Zack chimes in.
"You hush." I return as I leave his room.
I close the door and walk back downstairs where Jordon and the other three kiddos were watching cartoons. Alexis and Jordon were signing a conversation while Logan and Rainey were glued to the screen.
"Did you talk to them?" Jordon signs.
"Yeah, I did, we're good now."
He gives me a thumbs up and walks into the kitchen to flip the sizzling barbeque aroma meat patties. He turns away to cough and bring up mucus stuck in his throat. He tightly presses a tissue against the exposed tube of the trach and coughs hard.
"You okay, baby?"
He nods happily and gives me a peck on the cheek. I hug him from behind, my arm snaking in front of him, and I grasp his crotch with my cupped hand. He tilts his head back.
"It's been so long. I need to taste this meaty rod." I growl in his ear, making him wiggle.
He seems to enjoy my touch for a moment before he pushes my hand away and focuses his attention to the food. I pout.
"Why won't you let me touch you anymore? It seems like after your recovery and the... incident, you have been very distant."
He shrugs.
"I'm just not in the mood." He signs.
He says he's not in the mood like he always does, but whenever I touch him, he gets hard. I am fearing that I am doing something that is not sparking that fire anymore and he's not telling me. He just gives me one more kiss before signing that dinner is ready and to call the kids down to eat. I sigh and nod.
"Okay..."
-
-Jordon-
I did the dishes after the kids ate their dinner and went upstairs for the night. George called it a night early since we both have to be up in the morning to get the kids out the door for school right before we need to meet Angela for a band meeting.
After locking the doors and saying goodnight to the kids, I walk into our bedroom. George is wrapped up in his blanket, seemingly fast asleep. I lean across the bed and give his beautiful face a loving rub.
"Asia." He mutters, making me pull m hand away.
"Asia... Asia..." He mumbles in his sleep.
I watch his face twitch and make 3 different expressions before his snores break back in. I sigh. He's been doing this on and off since the day of Asia's and Harley's funeral. I might be overthinking but I am starting to speculate if he was too into Asia again and not saying a word.
Yes, he has told me once before that's not the case but I still strongly believe otherwise. Not only is he lying to me but he's lying to himself. I don't think I am carrying that charm like I once did.
He's mad because I don't want to be touched but who would want their partner groping them while they know well that they aren't even into them that way anymore. It took a lot of talking but I have finally accepted it and I can't say I blame him the least.
I think part of me is still mad that he had sex with his ex-wife when I was sick and I do forgive him but I also think that moment must've sparked something that they both thought they lost years ago.
If that's the case, then it is what it is. I can't worry about affairs since Asia is gone, but come to think of it, recently he has been messaging someone named Ariel about $280 and kids. If this Ariel gives him joy, then who am I to stop him?
Who the f*ck am I kidding? My husband is not into me and low key cheating. I hope this bitch has puss* of gold to be worth $280.
I had a thought come to mind as I gently peel back the blanket and expose his bare body. My eyes focuses on his building erection. I know for certain he isn't having those sweet dreams about me since he's been saying his ex-wife's name for the past two minutes.
I feel my own co*ck start to harden again. I missed his member so much. I so badly want to shove it down my throat and suck his soul out of his body but I just can't bring myself to do it.
"Asia." He whines and whimpers in his sleep.
I've heard enough. I roughly cover him back up and flop down on my side on the opposite side of the bed.
"You're not into me anymore." I mouth.
If I had the balls, I'd yank this f*cking tube out of my neck and scream at the top of my lungs at him. I'll hold off for now and try to sleep.
Happy marriage? Yeah, right.
